Mimi Smartypants. That is. Even when she is a little scattered (or perhaps not scattered enough) I get a full-on chuckle out of her posts every time.
This time, it was a bit about floral, quilted purses. She called them "bonerkillers." Not a word I'd use, per se, but apt all the same.
You know the purses, the Vera Bradley or whatnot.
I mean, really people. It's a quilt, and what about a quilt makes you think, "hey, that would be great to carry around!"Not waterproof, not wipe-clean, not classy, not red (as I believe 90% of all purses should be). And, yes, I will agree, with Mimi that the very act of carrying a purse like this sends a very loud signal.
The signal? It says, quite clearly, I might add, one or more of the following:
- I am post menopausal.
- I see bed as a place to enjoy a snack and a show on the telly.
- I have a minivan.
- I shop at TJMaxx and am elated when I get the Maxx for the Minimum.
- I wonder when acid-wash is coming back, because I have some of that shit.
- My top priority is comfortable shoes and I fail to see how this is a bad thing in any way.
- I have been married so long my husband is like a roommate who's laundry I inexplicably do.
- I can name more than one scrapbooking stores or sites.
- My keychain is 20% keys, 80% dangly shit.
- I am the Pandora jewelry target customer.
- I have no idea that Holiday had to put "jewelry" in the last bullet to clarify that she was not talking about music.
See? I'm snarky today.
But really, if you don't read Mimi Smartypants, then I'm not sure we can be friends. There are a lot of bloggers I read and I'm pretty sure I'd hate 90% of them in real life. They are too nice, too Christian, too mommiegh - for me. Not that niceness, Christianity or being a great parent are bad things, mind you, but if I'm going to spend time with a human who is not my family I need them to laugh at my sarcastic jokes, not mind my potty-mouth, point me in the direction of a good martini, and, oh, just not have a Pandora bracelet. Please, just...no.